Monday, January 27, 2014

I Quit, I've had enough

Okay, not really. But some days just feel like that's the answer.

Just when you think you're doing well, something comes along and makes you want to throw in the towel. It may be an outside influence. Or, more likely, it's an internal instinct. The one that says, "This is bad, but it's what we know; so let's stick to it."

Change, even positive change, is frightening.

I have been thinking about the places where I have had to put aside my old way of living for a better life. In the last few years, there have been several stepping stones along the way. Few have been easy. Mostly they have been too small for my foot and slippery. I've slipped. Friends have helped me find my balance. I've fallen and pulled myself back up. I keep going.

But tonight, the pity party is forming. I want a day, heck a couple of hours, to curl up with a book and a cup of tea, without feeling guilty for not working on selling stuff. I want to go buy a cup of coffee, without calculating what I have to do to make it up. I want...

I want what I'm working for.

fine. You're right, universe, I'll keep working.

So what am I afraid of that is causing me to feel discouraged? I realize I'm afraid of losing my identity. No, really. Broke, scraping by, making do has been who I am for years. I don't know who I'll be when I'm done.
I am starting to think about what "me" will look like when money doesn't dominate every waking thought. I'm excited to meet that person.

Having clear goals has helped my through this rough patch of thinking it would be easier, and more fun, to just go back to living as I was.

I want to buy a cup of coffee, without figuring out if I just took money out of the electric bill for coffee.


Tomorrow I am going to schedule time to do something I enjoy. Read a book, watch a movie, take a walk. Something to keep my mind fresh and ready for a new way doing things.

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