I am learning a lesson. I just hate it when I have to learn a lesson. I'm so bad at learning things the easy way. I'm not even sure I know the easy way.
The lesson that I'm learning is how to be alone.
I know, right. For some of you, that's a preferred lifestyle. Others of you just threw your hands up and said, "Oh no you are not!" For me, the very social; people oriented; outgoing person, to sit at home alone for more than a day, is tough. It's not unachievable.
What have I learned?
The still, small voice is easier to hear if I don't have the voices of people ringing in my ears.
The things I want my home to be are more achievable if I am here to work on them. (seems pretty obvious, huh)
To love myself and believe in myself, I need to spend time with myself.
To make flowers grow, you have to pull the weeds. I can more clearly tell the weeds, people or activities, that are crowding out the flowers.
That I am a better friend when I've taken time to recharge. This is advise I've given new parents. Now I'm finding it applies to all of life.
That when there is someone else in my life, I will know myself well, which will make the relationship better.
So step outside your social norm safety zone. If you always have to be around people, be alone. If you avoid people, join in. If you turn the t.v. on for the noise the minute you walk in, don't. Take a step and see what happens.
Do I get lonely? Of course I do. To love and be loved is a core human need. I handle those moments as they come. I call or text friends. I go out and see if I meet someone. I stand in front of a mirror and remind myself that I am learning. Which leads to some pretty interesting conversations between me, myself and I. I cry. It's okay you know, crying. It purges the soul to make room for growth.
I am still a very social, people oriented, outgoing person. But now I am a better friend to myself for spending time with me. Yes, circumstances brought me to this place, I wouldn't try it on my own.
See, I couldn't do this the easy way.