Alone

"What would you do if money wasn't a factor?" my friend asked me. I answered something rote and ridicules.

Truth is, I don't know what I'd do. There has never been a time in my life that I didn't have to watch the budget. Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without has been a life theme.

I don't think I will ever really live much differently. But I do look forward to having the peace of mind that comes from being debt free.

Today I was telling a friend about the trail I am forging. She said she was impressed with my decision and my will to lay this burden down.

Moments like that keep me going. It is difficult to do this alone. So many of the stories I read are of couples or families. People with support. When I come home there's no one to watch a movie with or cook dinner together or plan for what we will do when we get through this.

No matter what the decision to change involves, doing it alone is difficult. What do I do to make it better? Well, I write about it. Here and in a personal journal. I talk to friends and they continue to encourage me. And I focus on this making me a better person for the future "whoever" may be in my life. In order to be fully present to build a relationship, I can't be tied down to past burdens.

And sometimes I just sit here and cry.

It's okay, ya know. Sometimes a good cry or hollering at nothing can feel really good.

I also think that there of the things I can be doing because I'm alone. I do have time to post. I have time to write. I have time to find new ideas. I am not leaving someone waiting for me to be done.

So what would I do if money wasn't a factor? I'd quit my job and travel the world and write. Perhaps that will be the next goal.