He’s too…She’s so…I would never…Do you believe that?...
It’s interesting to me that as much as people say they hate being judged, they judge. If you’re fat: you’re lazy, don’t care about yourself, gross. If you’re thin: you work out too much, you’re conceded, stuck up. If you’re rich, you’re greedy. If you’re poor, you make bad choices. If you’re blue collar, you’re low class. If you’re white collar, you’re a workaholic.
It goes on and on and on.
Why do we judge? We all do it. The answer is simple, but it’s an ugly truth no one wants to see in themselves. It’s selfishness, the internal need to be better than someone else. It is a human emotion that drives us to be better. That is not always a bad thing. Problems come when it gets out of hand and turns mean. While we can’t control the world, we can make a choice in our own minds to be different.
I had lost 90 pounds. Over the last year, about half of that has come back. Many of the people around me think that it’s because I put my weight loss after other priorities or I just gave up. The people, who know me, know that I have been ill. With little energy to function with, the weight came back on.
Now I’m on the road to recovery, I am able to think “I did it once, I can do it again” and regain my healthy weight. If I listened to the negative judgment around me, it would be very easy to think, “Why should I care?” The choice I make to listen to the positive message from my own heart and the people around me, makes the difference for me.
How do we face judgment towards us?
- Know why you do what you do.
- Know that your motives are pure.
- Know that you can turn a negative into a positive.
- Know how to respect others opinions.
This is a tough one. You often will not get a positive return on this one. Learn to say, “Thank you for your views/opinion. I will think about what you said. I may not agree with you, but I appreciate the spirit of your convictions and the courage it takes to stand up for them.” People want respect. When you pay judgment with respect, you both win.
How do we not judge others?
Can’t happen, you're thinking. Or prehaps you're saying, “Wait, what, I don’t judge!” Of course you do. The person that cut you off in traffic is an idiot. The overweight woman is lazy. The dirty, unshaven man is a slob.
The point is not that we judge, but what we do with the judgment. We each need to come to a place where we can care for the person we judge. To see the person, not the thing that's different from our view.
The person that cut you off in traffic is trying to juggle a stressful job and sick kids at home. The overweight woman is so busy giving time to everyone else, while her husband is deployed there’s no time to think about losing weight. The dirty, unshaven man just got off a 12 hour overnight shift digging the ditch for your high-speed internet line, but needs to take milk home for breakfast.
What would happen if you were blind? What would you see in people? What would be important to you? Close your eyes. Drink in the world around you. It's full of love and happiness.
Romans 12:2 says: And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
When you are being judged, you have to know in your heart what you’re doing is good and acceptable. When you are judging others if you put compassion in front of the judgment it makes you a better person, more able to see the whole person.
Choose to be kind and to return meanness with kindness. It may not change the whole world, but it will make yours a better place.