Trying is, well, trying.
It's easy to say things like "don't change for anyone" and "you're true voice is important" to someone else. When I have to convince myself, it's another matter all together.
I have a goal that I have come to realize can't be achieved from my current position. So I have to change myself to achieve my goal. But then I risk losing my true voice. Which could be a better voice or not. So do I keep putting myself, as I am, who I am, out there? Do I continue to risk rejection? Or do I change to fit in to get in? Or do I buck the whole system, and do the whole thing independently?
Is anyone else confused?
Am I bitter? Bitterness is a petty emotion, based on things being decided by others that cause a less than positive outcome for one. Hmmm, nope, not bitter. Not angry.
Maybe disappointed, I could work with that one. Confused, okay, not so much. I knew I was going up against an established practice that is not accustom to being, well, ordinary.
Pissed off, yup. At who? Oh, well, hmmm. Myself, I guess. Why? For being so naïve to think that I could be enough. But that's what hope is, right? Fine, my own theme bites me in the backside.
So ends my pity party. Besides, the popcorn's almost gone.
There are so many disappointments to face. Some are huge, some are small, some are what they are.
Some are deep wounds that change the course of your life. They become the scar that everyone sees, no matter how much you try to hide it. Some are so small, there's no understanding why we give them any time at all, but we keep giving them center stage. Some are disappointing. We accept them for what they are and hope good comes out it. Once the ice cream hits the pavement, all we can do is hope the ants enjoy the treat.
I don't know what I'm going to do next. But there are a few things I am sure about.
1) I am good enough for this moment. I can improve, as a mater of fact, I hope I never stop growing and improving.
2) There are options, so this is not a dead end street. And if it were, I'd just have to back track to a cross road.
3) The expiration date on microwave popcorn is a real thing to be paid attention to.
What I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to show. What I'm trying to tell you is, well,
Trying is trying, so keep trying
Peace, Love and Peanut butter cookies for everyone (because stale popcorn is not good)